Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
