i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
