If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
