i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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