i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
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