remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Text me some of your sweat
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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