that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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