i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
