I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize