And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
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