You just made me feel so damn special
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
