Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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