Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
