she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
