I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
