I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize