the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
