Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
