That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize