Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
