Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
