so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize