He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
