My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
