8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
