As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
