I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My vagina is officially offended.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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