idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
