For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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