I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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