just come out here and I will go home with you...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
