someone threw a dead crab at me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
