$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
