ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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