Your mouth is God's brothel.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize