I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
