I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
