The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
