it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
