I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
