my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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