another moral hangover. fuck.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
