my vag is so smooth its legendary
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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