He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
