I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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