You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
