Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
