carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
