Do you still have your period?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
