weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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