My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
