Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize