oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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