yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
