I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
