If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
