This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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