I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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