It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize