She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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