I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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