you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am one with the molecules
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
